How to Remove Envy

I recently decided to remove envy from my life completely. I’ve subscribed to the notion that envy is the enemy of joy and serves no useful purpose. Therefore, I’ve committed to eliminating it from my life.

I’ve done something similar before. In my early twenties, I removed jealousy from my life. I had been a jealous boyfriend, and after a painful breakup, I realized that jealousy was costing me too much—it had to go. I’ve never really reflected on how I removed jealousy, but as I now struggle to remove envy, I believe it would be a good exercise to break down what worked for me back then and see if I can replicate the process.

Step 1: Identity Change

I changed my self-concept by adopting the identity of “I am not a jealous person.”

Step 2: Complete Trust

I realized jealousy was stemming from my own insecurities and a lack of trust in the other person. But I also realized that I couldn’t control whether someone betrayed my trust or not. So I chose to give 100% complete trust—whatever happens, happens.

Step 3: Be a Trustful Person

My insecurities were eating away at me. To attract trusting people, I had to become trustful myself. I aimed to be someone who wouldn’t make their partner jealous. In other words, I practiced being the kind of partner I hoped to attract.

Using this approach, how can I apply the same principles to remove envy? First, let’s identify some guiding ideas:

1) It’s a Multi-Faceted Effort

There is no magic bullet to eliminate envy. You have to approach it from multiple angles and use various forces to create a “lollapalooza effect.”

2) Identity Change

This is the principle of consistency. Once you change your identity, your actions begin to align with that identity. For example, consider how your behavior might shift when you say to yourself: “I am a brother,” “I am a husband,” “I am a son.” You can be all of these at once, but depending on which identity is active in your mind, your actions change.

Choose the right identity, and your actions will naturally follow.

Apply this to envy: adopt the identity of “I am not an envious person.”

3) Complete Trust (Again)

You can only control your actions—not the outcomes, and not other people’s behavior. Like many jealous people, I once tried to control the environment and the actions of my partner. It was futile and painful.

Now I understand: in the case of envy, I can’t control the success of others. I can only control my own actions. The right action is to root myself in trust—trust in my own path, trust that abundance exists, and trust that comparison is unnecessary.

4) Be a Trustful Person / The Attraction Principle

To attract trustful, generous people, I had to become one myself. The same applies to envy. Who are the people I admire? Those who have inner peace and aren’t constantly comparing themselves to others. They don’t live in scarcity.

To become that kind of person, I need to practice being envy-less. Eventually, you become what you repeatedly do.

Now, to apply these to removing envy:

Step 1: Identity Change – “I Am Not an Envious Person”

Everyone is on their own path. Life is not a zero-sum game. Someone else’s win does not mean your loss. Think in terms of abundance.

Consider golf: just because your playing partner makes a birdie doesn’t mean you can’t. Birdies are still up for grabs. You’re not directly competing with them—they’re not blocking your goals. You may be playing the same game, but ultimately, you’re competing against your former self. Can you really be envious of who you used to be?

Step 2: Celebrate Others’ Wins

You cannot control outcomes—only your actions. Envy at its core is wanting—wanting what someone else has. Wanting isn’t inherently bad. The problem is the irrational comparison and the poisonous thoughts it leads to. Instead of feeding that poison, shift your focus to effort and action. What someone else achieved is most likely the result of their consistent actions. Celebrate their achievement. Congratulate them—not just for the outcome, but for the effort that produced it.

Step 3: Practice Being Envy-less – The Attraction Principle

Who are the people who possess the qualities you admire? Those who don’t succumb to envy. Start becoming that person now. Practice being happy for others. Practice feeling gratitude for your own path. Eventually, you will become what you practice.